How to suffer well

This is my kindergarten class photo.

Happy. Precocious. My shoulder leaning in. Ready for the world. My teacher was insightful, fun-loving and encouraging of my personality. In my report card, she celebrated how I’d blossomed onto the scene after a somewhat timid start (I was 4 years old when I started school). She celebrated my proclivity toward being social and creative. She was recognized as “National Teacher of the Year” by President Carter in 1979. She later became my art teacher.

This is my 2nd grade class photo.

Cute, yes. That sparkle has faded a bit. Those dropped shoulders.

Oh, sweetie.

My report cards now - and into my middle school years - lamented my lack of focus. “Cornelia is more interested in socializing than completing her work. Needs improvement. Lacks initiative.” How devastating it is to read that today. I have been sitting with that little girl lately. Mourning the squashing of her spirit - knowing that the teachers would “approve” of me if I made things easy. Stay quiet and be a "good girl" by assimilating. By not being “too much.” I’ve been feeling sad and angry about that - and feeling those sensations completely. Writing about it. Crying about it. Sitting with it. I’m now welcoming that little pixie back. That precocious sweetheart is blossoming again and I feel energized by the curiosity and creativity that comes naturally when the space is safe and welcoming. And I can create that space myself now.

The impulse to avoid “being too much” is still there. I am committed to redirecting that impulse toward embracing my “muchness” and holding on for the ride. Wheeee!

Old story: I will be accepted and approved of when I behave in ways that are easy. (The origin of persona).

New story: My curiosity and creativity inspire me - and others - to expand fully into my complete self. No limits. Great muchness!

What a gift it is to know that completing the cycle of emotion is the path to freedom. Suffering to completion leads to clarity, acceptance and peace.

“If we take care of the suffering inside us, we have more clarity, energy, and strength to help address the suffering, violence, poverty, and inequity of our loved ones as well as the suffering in our community and the world. If, however, we are preoccupied with the fear and despair in us, we can’t help remove the suffering of others. There is an art to suffering well. If we know how to take care of our suffering, we not only suffer much, much less, we also create more happiness around us and in the world.

-Thich Nhat Hanh, “No Mud, No Lotus”